The day is here, Valentine’s Day, a day where our social media timelines are full of everyone showcasing their love for the special someone(s) in their lives. Personally, I have seen everything from flowers, jewelry, pictures with thought-out love messages to the flipside where there were people posting videos hating on this very day, mostly because they have no one to celebrate this day with.

It’s funny, because I remember there was a time, post-divorce, where I struggled with this day, though not going to the lengths of spreading negativity amid others basking in the positivity that is usually shared on this day, but I would count down the hours to when it would be the 15^th. Why? Because for almost 20 years, I celebrated V-day with one person and 16 of those years was because he had proposed to me on this day and we celebrated the anniversary of that proposal each year. The last two years I have been, hmm, ok with being single on V-day, but I won’t lie, there were the occasional melancholy statements of, “dang, I wish I had a man,” “this is my last year being single on Valentine’s Day,” and “when is it gonna be my turn?” but this year, this year, I woke up different!

I think I am beginning to understand the power that comes from singleness, and no, this is not me just shelling out words to brave myself into not slipping into a debt of loneliness, this is truly what I feel inside. Sure, it will feel amazing to have someone loving on me regularly in a beautiful and healthy way, when that time comes, but when I stepped back and really thought about where I am in life, I realized that there is a benefit to being unattached.

You see, right now, I get to focus wholly on me with the understanding that what I emit is what I will attract. This is the reason I have been on the topic of healing so much lately. I do not want to connect with someone based on the trauma we’ve experienced; trauma bonds don’t tickle my fancy. I do not want to connect with someone on the similarities of our last relationships or anything regarding our past relationships. I do not want to connect with anyone while broken pieces are still scattered or even unexposed due to the lack of introspection. I want to connect with someone who has completely done the work in themselves and can present themselves READY FOR ME. Ready for me means anything of the past is no longer an issue, it does not monopolize the mind, it does not cause thoughts of the but’s, maybe’s or what-ifs of someone else, no, “ready for me” is just that, being ready for ME! Now see, typing all that just answered a question I’ve been asking for a while and I literally just wrote my answer to it. Look how God works. Tuh!

We should not be requesting something of others that we ourselves cannot fit within the lines of. If we want our specifics in another person, we need to show up with those same qualities every day and if we do not already possess them, we should be working to acquire them. As I have identified in previous blogs, I know that I still have areas within me that need addressing, things that must be eradicated before I even allow myself the seriousness of love. It is only fair. I refuse to cheat someone of their time, effort, and investment of emotions in me for the sake of not being alone, that kind of reaping of what I have sowed I cannot afford. This is where the benefit of singleness comes in to play.

During our singlehood we have the uninterrupted ability of not only uprooting and reconciling those areas that can be injurious to our future, but also discover who we are at the core. A lot of times, we lose ourselves in our relationships, be them blissful or toxic. After the exit, we should always take time to determine what of us has been taken, trust me, something is always left behind. I have said it before, wholeness should always be our goal in order to show up as our best selves and be able to attract the best of another. Regardless of your pursuit, it should not prohibit you from celebrating Valentine’s Day.

I know Valentine’s Day is sometimes a struggle for some but remember that this day does not require you to be velcroed emotionally nor physically to another. Being absent of having a significant other should not arrest our ability to give ourselves the attention and love we desire from another. Who can love us better than we can love ourselves (besides God)? It is ok to buy yourself your favorite flowers or favorite cologne (men you’re not excluded from this blog applying to you). Get fly or fine and take yourself out to dinner and if you are unable to obtain reservations, order take-out from your favorite place or try someplace new. Personally, I bought a bottle of Moet and ordered a nice size ribeye steak dinner for myself. The point is to do for you, you deserve that kind of special love. But don’t just leave it to a one-day affair, make sure you make this type of treatment a habit, at least once a month, until you meet that special someone who sees the way YOU love YOU and want to exceed it.

I stated it earlier, we attract that which we emit, so it is imperative that we speak to ourselves nicely and treat ourselves with intentional greatness and immeasurable love. We show people how to treat us by how we treat ourselves, always keep that in mind. So today, baby, shower yourself with love, celebrate yourself with all the flaws and complexities that make you, you, knowing that one day soon, someone will see all of that and want to do so much more. He or she is on the way, stay positioned with your focus on God and working on you and watch God work.

Happy Valentine’s Day ya’ll!