Happy New Year, Ya’ll!!

I’m quite sure a lot of us are elated to have survived (and yes, I think it’s safe to use the term survived) 2020, a year full of ups and downs, unexpected experiences and, at times, contrite moments. And to think, I had pegged it my breakout year after finally conquering a major mountain in my healing process. I was feeling free, loving me, and let’s not forget that was also the year I turned that monumental age of forty; hell, I was ready for my Jhene Aiko and H.E.R “back up on bullshit” season, but ummer-ra, 2020 said hell nah!

Though 2020 was hellish for many, when I took a moment to glance back at my vision board and settled myself into days of introspection, I must admit, that year, for me, turned out to be decent. God was definitely good to me! Yes, I had losses in my family, ailments that attacked people I care about, and positive and negative transitions in relationships, to name a few, but I cannot just arrest myself at the downward spirals that occurred; positives reigned heavy as well and I would be remiss not to acknowledge their presence. I celebrate the blessing of not ending the year the way it started in addition to surviving, alone.  

Lessons, whew, the lessons! 2020 served up several in my life, some of which is to be humble and to never take anyone or anything for granted. Ain’t nothing like being in the middle of a pandemic to humble your ass quick. It seemed that no matter where you were, we were all on the same level field for the most part. Shutdowns left us inside which was foreign weather for those always on the go. It caused us to face each other, but more importantly, have an encounter with ourselves. Out of everything that happened, that was the most substantial in my opinion.

I pride myself on taking a closer look at myself often, after all, I have been in a healing process for the past four and a half years; however, my process in 2020 was different. It took a turn when I decided to take a chance and step out a little for entertaining engagements. No, I do not mean hitting underground scenes amiss the lockdown ordinances, I just mean opening myself up for new encounters with new people as well as existing ones. I learned on one hand how to immediately spot red flags in new people, but on the flipside, I learned that I made exceptions to the red flags in those I already knew, crazy, right?

I had to ask myself what the difference was, and to be honest, I must credit that question to those close to me who asked me first; the truth is, I was not ready to answer it until I could not ignore it anymore when my conscience began loudly tugging at me with the same ask. I had to sit with me long enough to parse myself out to reach my core and found that tenured familiarity resulted in the flaw. I needed an adjustment to my sight to not only see, but understand that people will evolve you in their life without communicating the change to you, and for certain relationships, that was a hard pill to swallow! However, what it did do was cause me to reflect on my healing, cogitating on how far I have come and what it took to arrive to where I am today. With that came a reminder of promises I have made to myself to not except mediocre treatment from anyone be it blood or any other. I won’t lie, I battled with self for a moment, but my goal has always been to achieve wholeness and sometimes part of the journey to that is letting go to makes room for what is to be. As I said in past blogs, it does not mean you love anyone less, it just means you are removing yourself from being their option and making you YOUR priority. Can I get an AMEN?

It has become cliché to say we only get one life or yell out, “YOLO!” Seems like some of us have become desensitized to just how real it is that we do indeed only live once, how real it is that we are not promised tomorrow, but I will tell you this, last year made me respect the hell out of life and not just life in general, but MY LIFE. What about you? What impact has 2020 had on you? What have you learned about yourself? I think it is important to ask ourselves these questions to check-in with ourselves to determine where we really are and not fall back into behaviors we have been delivered from. So many of us are busy with the hustle and bustle of life that we miss the signs that we are breaking inside, have unaddressed wounds, or are simply existing, fooling ourselves into thinking we are living due to the material things we have acquired or trips we take. Some of us are steady chasing the bag while our souls are steady starving. Please don’t remain malnourished!

For 2021, my focus words are intentional and wholeness. I am sure through reading my blogs you will notice I use them a lot. They have become the themes for my life as I progress through my journey. I commit to be present in every moment I experience and look for the lessons in any errors that occur because 2020 also taught me the importance of seizing the opportunity in every moment. I believe there is a reason to everything we experience, but we must want to know what it is to understand ourselves better. We cannot allow the fear of our past to prevent us from examining our interior more. If you want to truly live free, you must give yourself the permission to do so and that starts with saying fuck fear! Besides, your past does not define you, nor does it dictate your future, that is, unless you let it.

I don’t know about you, but I am definitely grateful for some parts of last year even though there are parts I do not want to relive. However, the reality is, we have no control over what goes on in this world, we only control our reaction to it. We have been on lockdown enough; I refuse to be lockdown internally as well. I am dedicating 2021 to celebrating me every day, in any way I can. If I don’t who will? I have come too far to let life just evaporate. May 2021 far-exceed 2020 in blessings and favor!

Again, Happy New Year, ya’ll!