Love. It is such a simple word, but so complex in its understanding. Why? Perhaps it’s because it’s a word whose definition is multiplied, divided, and based upon the experience of the individual using it rather than its origin. It’s a feeling but it’s also an action word that is often used in vain and is unfortunately absent of its fruits these days; a sad reality, wouldn’t you say?

I always say, “love is not simplistic nor is it easily defined” and that notion was derived from my own personal experiences. At one point in time, I found myself engulfed with a love for someone that was no longer healthy for me and I had no idea of how to get out of what felt like its abyss. How do you let go of what your heart wants? It aches to have to do so, traumatizing even. I remember people not being able to comprehend my attachment given his character and they were not afraid to let me know how they felt about the lingering feelings I had for him then. But the thing about it was, they were not me, so they wouldn’t understand it, even if I attempted to explain it, it would be like tongues to the carnal-minded; it wasn’t for them to understand. When I love, it’s genuine, I love deep and I love hard. I tend to give probably more of me than I should. Initially it came from a voided place, but now that I am more aware, I have worked to change that since it seems dangerous to maintain that kind of status quo.

I’ve come to learn that in order to properly love someone, you must understand what love is, first, and that starts with innerstanding you and the way YOU love YOU. Yes, I said innerstanding meaning to sit with yourself long enough to decipher, acknowledge, and accept the innerworkings of you, be it your feelings, emotions, or anything else. Oftentimes we project what we have not accepted or acknowledged within ourselves and that can lead to hurting not only others, but ourselves in the long run. We must do the work because, to reiterate my homey Aj, “we can’t be a hundred with no one until we are a hundred with ourselves.” Wholeness is a necessity before adding people to our lives since hurt people usually hurt people OR our premature dealings with individuals cause we ourselves to end up hurt. For this reason, I have been making a conscious effort to achieve it prior to getting into a serious relationship. I’m almost there, but through engagements with others, have realized there are still some things within me in need of addressing.

More and more I am learning not to rush my process, but rather indulge my focus into the things that cause my emotional reactions in order to understand the reason. I recently stressed to my Community the power of pausing if you want to maintain your relationships since it will allow you the time YOU need to reflect and introspect upon the feelings you experience before committing a reaction. I won’t act as though it’s always easy to practice restraint given certain circumstances, right, I’m more so speaking of the interactions you have with those loved ones you’ve deemed essential to your life, anyone else can get that work they desire or deserve to have from their provocation.

Notice that this blog has a huge emphasis on you? Yes, since we are only in control of ourselves and not anyone else, the healthier we are inside, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, the more we will attract that which emits from within. Being the best version of us should always be our priority and that begins first with loving ourselves.

Love is a beautiful thing to possess and give, and when treated as the priceless treasure it is, the benefits are endless. We just need to ensure we are loving properly and in a healthy way. It is definitely what we all deserve.