Self-care, a word that is used synonymously with self-love even though by definition they are different. Simply put, good ole Merriam-Webster defines self-care as caring for yourself and it defines self-love as “having an appreciation of your own worth or virtue.” To me, though, you can’t do one without the other; they’re married, or at least they need to be. Again, my opinion only. The thing is, though many of us are just now truly coming into the practice of self-care, a lot of us initially had a linear understanding of what it is, mostly limiting it to rituals of going to a spa or soaking in a tub listening to your favorite wind-down music while sipping a glass of wine (damn, that sound so good right now), and maybe even getting massages, you know, that kind of good shit. Frankly, yes, those things are definitely amazing ways to love on you, but let’s not forget the other ways of self-caring, like maintaining your peace of mind and being careful of who you allow to have a front-row seat to your life.

The wrong people in your ripe season can cause your harvest to rot. Yeah, I said it, read it again! And I said it from a place of experience. Your peace, your mental health, should be protected with such vigilance and you should be unapologetic about that. Why? Because not only do we get one life, but we also deal with enough shit day-to-day just to simply live; why should we allow someone accessibility just for the sake of having someone around. Yes, I am a believer that everybody needs somebody, but I’m even more of a firm believer that you need people around you who are healthy for you. You need people around you who contribute to your growth. You need people around you who edify you in those lapse in judgement moments. You need people to hold you accountable and tell you your truths and who allows you to do the same for them. You need people to hold you up when you are adamant about folding, but they will not allow it because they see in you what you momentarily can’t see. Again, you need people who are healthy for you and your progression in life. And no shade, because I’ve been there before, but if you are keeping people around you that you know that you know you know aren’t good for you OR hosts no benefits to you or your life, then baby, it’s time for you to do some deep self-reflecting to see what’s really going on with you internally because that’s not a way to live. It’s actually a dangerous way to live, but I’ll get into that another day.

Having peace of mind is not easy to come by or maintain. There are a lot of people walking around with the worries of life holding them hostage, but if you are one that is blessed with the freedom to breathe easy, you must secure it at all cost. That is self-care, self-love, honoring your self-worth and your virtue. What it is not, is selfish, so don’t let anyone tell you that is what you are being if you decide to love them from afar because they no longer suit your season. Love YOU enough to do what is best for you, only you know what that is, don’t let anyone else dictate that for you.