It’s a trip how a song you’ve been singing for years now resonates or have new meaning as you age. Nowadays, I often find myself in the embodiment of my mother and other elders with immediately jumping up yelling, “Ayyyye” while cutting whatever quick step comes to mind when a joint that penetrates my soul comes on. For example, while perusing Instagram stories the other day, one of my homegirls had Luther Vandross’ “Wait for Love” playing and I immediately replayed her story a few more times with my eyes closed. Why? Because being single and 40 just hasn’t been sitting right with me lately; I’m a lover by nature. Single doesn’t feel like a fitting attribute to be attached to me, at least in my opinion. I love cuddling, hugging, kissing, laying up, making love, I mean all things intimate and passionate that you can’t do alone. Being a divorcee, I want to make sure that the next relationship I enter is the right one for me all the way around, but when Luther sings,

“…And I was hoping’ there could one day be
Be a chance for me to

Get the love that I’d been missing’
Sometimes love takes a long time
Wait for love and you’re gonna get the chance to love
Wait for love, wait for love…”

it just hits different, really different! Even simply reading those words does something to me. It’s as if he was prophetically singing my instruction from above. A reminder that was definitely needed in that moment, even in this moment. Having companionship has been on my mind a  lot lately, but when you’ve been through a challenging past and have done a hell of a job healing from those experiences, it could leave fears for jumping back into the deep end of the pool again. Nevertheless, it’s not stopping me from proceeding, just with caution.

For me, I know what I want and what I don’t want is anything that is one-sided. I want someone who is into me just as much, if not more, than I am into them. Someone who doesn’t feel the need to have me only in the shadows, but proudly has me on their arm no matter who is around. Someone who wants all of me and not just the parts of me that serves them continuous pleasure or benefits at their convenience. You can’t parse me out, it’s all or nothing!

I find solace in PJ Morton and JoJo’s song, “Say So” where she is completely singing my hearts truth, but until such time of those words flowing to fruition, I’ll be personifying the words of Uncle Luther.

*photos courtesy of Google images